Posted 9:35 AM by ill
Underwear that's fun ta wear

Ordinarily, so as not to wake my wife, I get dressed in the dark. I arrive at work around seven AM, which means I am usually up for work around 5. My wife on the other hand does not have to go in until around 8 so ... I get dressed in the dark. Now this has led to some rather interesting things from mismatched socks to shirts on inside out. Although a little silly not too uncommon for me as I have been known to do the same things with the lights on. I think perhaps it's a lack of paying attention on my part... that or I'm just not exactly the pinnacle of fashion. Anywhoo, so this morning I was having a rough time getting up. One of those smack the snooze bar repeatedly until a sharp elbow from the other side of the bed sends the final wake up call. So stumbling into the shower I go trying desperately not to nod off there (though I have been known to do that as well. Odd that I can curl right up in the bottom of the shower and doze right off. I think it's the warming comfort of a womb like setting that sends me to the shower floor in a fetal position) and complete my morning ritual of trying to yank some form of consciousness into the day. Now, I take very hot showers. And when I say very hot I mean VERY hot. People have been floored at the amount of steam I can produce in the course of a fifteen-minute shower. Needless to say the curtains over the shower window have never had a wrinkle. The walls sweat I produce such heat. So that being said I don't generally take my work clothes into the shower with me as they have a tendency to come out a little damp from just being in the bathroom. So I leave them in the bedroom where I stumble through the dark cramming my toes into various objects that I left on the floor cursing under my breath trying desperately not to wake the wife for fear of being shot or worse... Hell hath no fury. But I digress. So I get to work today actually feeling in a pretty good mood, as this has been a rough week. A few hours and several cups of coffee later it's time to answer the call... of nature that is. So off to the restroom. I arrive at the urinal ready to free my pressured bladder and make room for more of the caffeine filled elixir of life only to discover... Someone has stolen the hole out of my boxer shorts!!! How does this happen? How do you lose a hole? This was terrifying, as I knew I didn't have much time before nature would force itself upon me and I must let go!! Frantically I searched. It had to be there...didn't it? I know it was there this morning when I put them on. I checked my pockets? Still no hole... I checked the floor below thinking perhaps it fell off when I unzipped my pants but NO! It was nowhere to be found! As panic began to grip my body I was able to pull myself together... Turns out. I had just put them on backwards in the dark this morning...

Only me.

Posted 11:01 AM by ill
Cedar Chips and a Wheel that goes nowhere

I'm beginning to discover more and more that I am like a hamster. Not in the cute fuzzy way but more like a lifestyle. I'd like the cute fuzzy way but to be completely honest, with the alarming rate I'm losing my hair, cute and fuzzy are not two words I would use to describe myself. No it's definitely more of a lifestyle. I remember as a child when I owned hamsters that spent the better part of their existence sleeping ,eating, going to the bathroom, and trying to find a way out. Sure there was the wheel that went nowhere but you can only run in place so long before chewing on it seems like more fun. But I think that is what I have become, a hamster. Maybe it's because I too seem to spend my days doing the same things. sleeping, eating, bathroom breaks, all the while constantly looking for a way out. Sure there is the occasional wheel for me as well but like the hamster that got boring. So if I am forced to go nowhere I would much rather do it without exerting any energy, hence more sleeping.

So where does it go from here? Am I doomed to spend my days getting rounder and rounder until one day they just find me stiff inside a half chewed sock somewhere? Or will I go belly up in a sea of cedar chips with a mouth pouch full of food and a confused look on my face.

Posted 1:30 PM by ill
And so it begins...