Posted 8:28 AM by ill
I oughta be in pictures
'cause I'm beautiful to me....

They are filming a movie at my house. 21 Grams with Sean Penn, Benicio del Toro and Naomi Watts. Needless to say my neighborhood has been in chaos since the whole thing started. They are paying me to use my house although I much rather would have just had a guest spot in the film. I think I could do it; after all I certainly have starred in my share of friends film school shorts. I believe I am a natural to play "Guy on bike" or "Guy in blue jacket." These are the kind of parts I was made for. Well if I can't be a star at least perhaps my house will be. I must admit though I have been having these delusions that perhaps I will meet Sean and Benny (you know only his close friends can call him Benny) we will get along famously and spend an evening together getting drunk and beating up reporters. What a great night that will bring, getting into bar fights and spending the night being surly with Penn in a jail cell until Naomi Watts has to bail us out in the morning. There she will pick us up see me and immediately fall in love with me as we run off together after shooting the film. My life becomes a whirlwind of jet setting and parties as we go from club to club living the life that only the fabulous people have. I must admit with my new streamlined hairstyle I'm more then ready for it. It's the lifestyle of little work and long nights I was born for. I deserve to be one of the wonderful people!!! I wish to live the life of a celebrity so that all may worship at the shrine of my greatness!!! Women will swoon (do people even still use that word? No matter I will bring it back because I am so fabulous I can get away with it) as I enter the room. I will wreck cars and beat up annoying paparazzi. I will have a permanent room at the Betty Ford clinic then after my most recent stint of rehab and latest divorce from the porn star of the week I will give Barbara Walters an exclusive "I've changed" interview until I'm arrested three weeks later with Charlie Sheen and Nick Nolte at a strip bar for indecent exposure....

Now that's the life.... mmmmmmMMMmmmmm Ceeeeelllllllllleeeeeeeebbbbbbrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiittttttyyyyyyyyyyyyy.....