Posted 2:23 PM by ill
Gaseous Anomalies

Sometimes I think to myself men have to be the most disgusting creatures in the world. I question how women or anyone for that matter could ever be attracted to us. We generally have poor manners, almost all of us are slobs (one way or another), but the most repulsive aspect of the average male human must be its ability to offer up some of the foulest sounding and smelling noises the human body can produce. For example, I am in the bathroom (doing my part as a male with proper urinal etiquette see post The Mysterious Gay Middle Urinal) calmly taking care of business when a man walks in and proceeds to use the other urinal. Now this is not the problem. The problem came from the 45-second explosion of gas that sounded as though the poor fellow soiled himself in my presence it was horrendous. Words cannot convey the utter pain of the situation as I tried desperately to finish my business. Come on little guy!! Pee damn you PEEEEEE!!! Must leave... Eyes burning ... Nose hairs singed... Everything is going black...

The part that bothered me the most about this was the fact that the man did not miss a beat. He just kept right on going as if nothing had happened and all was right with the world. Now I will admit if you are going to do something like that then the proper place for it is definitely the bathroom. But for the love of GOD use a stall. I swear the man had to have left some kind of memento of that experience. No one can produce that much horrid sounding gas without producing something else with it. Well it would seem whether he did or didn't was of no concern as he calmly washed his hands and left to return to the office... Men truly are pigs...

Posted 1:28 PM by ill
Maybe I'm just unhappy...
And isn't that OK?

So I think the root of my problem started last Saturday... well maybe not the root. Maybe it was more of the culmination of all the events that have been taking place up to Saturday. Whatever the reason Saturday was significant because I lost one of my best friends. Jake. I know, I know, he was my cat and everyone seems to think weird fellow... How can anyone be this sentimental over an animal. But he wasn't just a pet to me. He was my friend, and probably the best one I've had to date. We would spend hours together laying on the couch curled up under blankets eating Twinkies and watching bad movies that my wife would never stay up for or for that matter ever watch. He was the perfect sleeping pill. All you had to do was kick back on the couch and he would join you on your chest curling up as one paw lay just slightly over your neck like some kind of wonderful kitty hug and BAM! You are asleep. The best part about Jake was that our relationship was unconditional. He accepted me for the slob and drunken smoker who would write for hours on the computer while he sat in my lap only looking up occasionally when I would cuss or laugh. I accepted him for the way he would chew on my arm in the middle of the night to get me to move from the warm spot in bed so that he could curl up there instead. I miss him. I miss my friend.

Work hasn't helped as I find myself doing more and more of my boss’s job and wondering why he still gets paid. I've been told I don't do enough and that I spend too much time surfing.... and I guess since this is being updated in the middle of my work day there may be some truth to that but... I do work, and I take great pride in what I do. I want to make sure that everything is done correctly to eliminate the need to do it over. The problem is I have the philosophy of doing it right and my boss has one of doing it fast. Unfortunately they never seem to get both. No matter though. I will do what I always do and crank out the work in record speed while still trying to maintain some type of standard. It's what I do.