Posted 7:58 AM by ill
Better Living Through Chemistry

I have a scientific mind. Not unlike the proverbial steel trap it grabs a hold of pointless knowledge so that I can access it later to the amazement and delight of bar patrons everywhere. Today is no different as I am conducting an experiment, and like any good scientist, I am the Guinea pig. I've decided to see just how many stimulants the human body can take. So this morning I decided I would start the day off with a nice quadruple espresso (made from my own home roasted beans). This was killed as quickly as possible before entering the shower to start the next phase of "wake up." I got ready for work and headed off to the corner store for smoke (more stimulants) when I noticed the Red Bull display. Now let's back up here a minute the quadruple espresso is nothing new for me in the morning. I've been doing that since high school and it was just something I "do" to get myself going in the morning. The Red Bull on the other hand this was something new for me. The display had them on sale 5 for 10 bucks. Now these things sell for about 2.25 apiece so I figured I was saving a buck and a quarter and it seemed like a good deal to me. So 5 Red Bulls in hand I pounced up to the register bought my smokes and my 5 Red Bulls. For the benefit of anyone who has not seen these cans they are not exactly big. I'd say they are around half the size of a Coke can. So five really doesn't seem like a whole lot. I got back to my car and settled in for my thirty-minute ride to work. I was amazed at how quickly you can put down a Red Bull. Seriously once you get past the whole chewable aspirin taste they go don't quite easily. Before I knew it I was pulling up the base and polishing off the fifth drink. To say that I am bouncing off the walls would be like saying a super high bounce ball has a "nice loft" when thrown to the ground with maximum force. But it's not going to end here folks. Oh no! Not by a long shot. There is still coffee to drink all day at the office (of which I am well in to my large first cup). So my goal for the day is to see just how much I can take before I end up bloated on the bathroom floor, cans of Red Bull littering my feet, with my sequined jumpsuit around my ankles...

Ladies and Gentleman... illbill has left the building!