Posted 10:59 AM by ill
God Schmod! I want my Monkey Boy

I love my job... no really I mean that. Where else can you pour your blood sweat and tears in to a project only to present it and be insulted by the powers that be. So there I sit, mouse in hand, laptop glowing with the pixel din of a job well done. Infocus machine flashing the carefully designed screens that make me the powerhouse of interface design. The ooh's and aaah's of the audience only reinforced my feeling of accomplishment as I described the process by which the system would operate. I felt content with the world. As if I had finally contributed something worthwhile to this confused and scared user group just looking for a better way to work. I finished the presentation and the group leader began to sing my praises, as I had done this off of just a handful of requirements and little direction, when the “man in charge” stopped him He calmly pointed out, without missing a beat, "well, let's face it. If you have good requirements a monkey could make screens."

Ahhhhhh Job satisfaction.

Posted 10:24 AM by ill
Lovitz or Leave it

It's a pretty common thing for folks to ask other folks "Do you know who you remind me of?" It's been practiced through the ages I'm sure. Why I even imagine in ancient Rome people compared others to someone of celebrity... "Hey Claudius, do you know who you remind me of?" Then Claudius would reply "Why no Augustus, who?" So Augustus would come back with "Do you remember Lucius Aurelius Verus? Y'know he ruled us what was it 161 or 162? I dunno... but you are a spittin image of his statue in the hall of emperors." So Claudius would walk away with a feeling of empowerment having been compared to a ruler of the vast Roman Empire. Today is no different. Don't believe me? Ask anyone who they are told they look like and two things will happen. First, it will inevitably be someone famous (no one ever says, "I look like my Aunt Edna. We have the same lack of chin and protruding nose"). No it's going to be, if it is a male, someone like Brad Pitt or Vin Deisel or someone along those lines. If it is a woman you'll get a Pam Anderson or Kirsten Dunst or Halle Berry or someone along those lines. The Second thing you will notice is they look nothing like the people they claim they get told they look like all the time. So are people living in a fantasy world or are others really telling folks things that just simply can't be? Then again, there is my friend Jay who in all honesty really does look like Jesus. But that's neither here nor there.

Actually I think I just may be a bit angry, mainly because I have never get the good ones. Never. And last night was no exception. It was bad enough when I was first compared to Bobcat Goldthwait but last night really took the cake. I'm sitting there having, what I thought was a nice conversation with a friend of a friend, when she lays the "Do you know who you remind me of?" bombshell. Instantly I tensed. I dread these moments... Come on after being compared to "the Bobcat" who wouldn't. So to make matters worse she added the caveat of "Now don't take this the wrong way..." WHAT? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Don't take this the wrong way?!?!?! Obviously if you have to point out to someone that the statement you are about to make could be taken the wrong way then the best guess in this scenario is to realize it is going to be taken "the wrong way." So I sit there waiting for this thinking... "Dear God... what now?" When she lays on me... Are you ready for this... John Lovitz. John F'ing Lovitz?!?!?!?! What is it about me that seems to draw comparisons to fat balding comics that no one finds funny any more. How did I get lumped in to this category?

Posted 8:18 AM by ill
EGADS!!!!! I WENT MAINSTREAM!!!!

CNN.com recently reported on the phenomenon of blogging and the fact that it has now gone mainstream. What the hell does that mean? Am I no longer in a small cool cross section of counter-culture? Let's reflect for a moment. I spent the better part of my childhood trying to be accepted into the "in" crowd. I never really was and as I got older I began to realize I didn't want to be. I couldn't function in social environments where football and trucks dominated the conversation. It was difficult to engage in a party conversation when someone would comment on a great game they saw last night and my only way to add to the conversation was to discuss the research I had done over the weekend on Dutch impressionists and their effect on the impressionist movement. People just looked at me rather oddly then shunned me. I suddenly came to the conclusion I wanted nothing to do with them. I reveled in this. My own little world where I could look down and the masses around me and think "poor fellows... don't worry when I rule the world you will all be treated fairly... BWAAAA HAAAA HAAAA!!!!!!" waitaminit, where was I? Oh yeah. So I enjoyed my quirky nature. I found it liberating and felt that I understood some kind of cosmic joke that only a select few that made it into my sanctum sanctorum understood. It was nice. Now though, after years of doing the opposite of what everyone else did I am part of a mainstream movement... I've been lumped into the same category as those Survivor watching simpletons who sit around night after night wondering who will get kicked off the island next. Where did I go wrong? It's kind of like having a favorite band that no one ever heard of. You bleat on and on about them trying to get everyone to listen to them. Then all of a sudden they get one big radio hit and everyone is walking around in their t-shirts spouting out how wonderful they were. Suddenly some of the romance is gone. Sure you wanted the band to do well. You wanted everyone to see how great they were, the same way you did. But somehow when everyone else started listening it cheapened the moment... So what can I do about this?

I guess this is one to bring up over a double mocha half-caf soy latte at Starbucks with my friends...