Posted 1:42 PM by ill
Oh where have you been illy boy illy boy?

Well... I guess the best answer for that would be, Famous. I developed some software a year or so ago called DEN and we've been all over the press lately. The New York Times, Wired, The Guardian in London... Everywhere. But I know I know that is no excuse. I have neglected both of my loyal readers. Forsook you both for fleeting fame and fortune and for that I feel really bad.... well, actually... No I don't. You see my constant quest for fame and the fortune that comes with it is really an all-consuming goal. One that means everyone gets left behind as I claw my up to the top of my fifteen-minute mountain.

But here is the problem. Now that my fame has begun, how do I maintain it? What can I do to make sure I'm at the top of the party A-list? I've considered several options. The first was that perhaps I needed a sex tape scandal. Something grainy and green shot in a seedy hotel. Leak it to the internet than feign shock and horror at it getting out. I had it all worked out. I knew exactly how to plan it and what I needed to do to make sure everyone got it. There were just one or two flaws. The first problem was the midget wouldn't sign the release form. The second was that the video added ten pounds everywhere but where it counted. So I decided that had been done to death anyway and moved on to option two. Find me an older woman celebrity.

But where? I'm too old to date Demi Moore and Angela Landsbury won't return my calls. I thought about Estelle Getty but from everything I've heard she is pretty high maintenance. So that option was ruled out.

I did consider getting loaded and driving my car through a sidewalk full of pedestrians but I don’t think my current fame is at the level where I can get away with it.

So what do I do? I've worked awfully hard at getting to this level of fame. I can't blow it now. So I figured I would offer the question to my loyal fans. If you were me, how would you continue this Fame Train? Please feel free to send all ideas to TheRealIllbill@yahoo.com. The one who comes up with the best idea will receive signed picture of me and a box of Rice-A-Roni The San Francisco treat!